I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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