I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
