That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
