She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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