i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
