So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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