he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
