I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm bleeding and have questions
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
