Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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