Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
