Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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