I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
