My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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