She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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