I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
