Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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