it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
