gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
