This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come share oat with me in your robe
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
