I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
