Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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