you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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