ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
