end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
