No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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