Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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