The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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