I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
