So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
