I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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