I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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