I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
