12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
