I heard we made out
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
