I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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