you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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