I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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