Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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