His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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