I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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