she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
