Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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