maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
