new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
