i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
