taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
