She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
