I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
