Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
