what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
