Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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