when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
