I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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