Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
