my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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