how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
