I'm going to jail i love you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
