it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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