I will die if light touches me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
