We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
