you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
