If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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