Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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