Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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