So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
