There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
