Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
