i think my tv is drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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