He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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