were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
