Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
