Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino

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(325): View more from Texas

Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

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(440): View more from Ohio

Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.

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(954): View more from Florida

I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie

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(407): View more from Florida

Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off

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(805): View more from California

I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets

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(214): View more from Texas

DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!

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