You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.