It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.