just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We're too hungover to prance.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
