The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!