Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Randomize
Follow @tfln