There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."