Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me