apparently the secret to your success is patron
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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