When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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