Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
