i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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